For the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my prayer time, I’ve been struggling to talk to God. I don’t know why, it just happened. But within this past week; I’ve lost my my way, my days didn’t go smoothy as “planned”, I became distant from my family, friends. My family and I fought a lot more, I fell into temptations, I started to question myself, question love…. life wasn’t as pretty as it once was…
Today it hit me. When my mother said, “kayi you no longer have compassion for others around you, what happened?” I didn’t noticed the hurt that I’ve caused my family, friends, and myself. I didn’t noticed how self seeking I have been, how unloving I have been. I didn’t notice anything till my mother confronted me after a fight.. Life really wasn’t the same, during these moment.
My struggle these past weeks has been a blessing. I’ve come the beautiful realization that I need to lift up my life to the Lord and let him guide it. Im not saying that the Lord will abandon you, if you stop praying to him… no im not saying that at all. What I’m say is.. that we (I) need let the Lord guide me, I need to trust in Him. It is through prayer and discernment that the Lord will guide me. It is through prayer that I will be able to have a relationship with Him. It is through prayer that I will know love.
I’ve come to understand what prayer is really about. It is not just a bunch of words anymore, but it is my lifeline that gives life to my everlasting relationship with the Lord.